The Thought That Go through my Head
I barely sleep. I drink coffee and tea to give me fake energy everyday to wake me up and feel “energized”. I barely eat now because there are too few hours in a day and too many things to do. I keep myself busy to keep my mind off of realizing that I’m alone.
I could be sitting in a room full of people and I could fake a smile but once I go home and turn off the lights I’m alone again and its getting harder and harder to deal.
I’m just not enough. What I am doing is just not enough. And I can’t stand it. I want to be perfect but that is impossible.
I need a break. I’m breaking down the wall that I keep building and building. I don’t want to open up anymore because every time I do I get hurt and I need to start building up that wall again.
I’m tired of being strong. Its so hard to just keep going. I just wish I could just stop. Everything would just stop.
I wanna be happy but that will take some time. A long time. I guess I need to wait. I can’t wait but when I finally am happy it will be amazing and beautiful and something more than I can ever imagine. It will be perfect.